Being Gentle

I have recently read a book, "Try Softer" by Aundi Kolber, and since finishing the book this past weekend, I feel that I have had multiple gentle experiences that reinforced my need for reading and applying this book in my life. Although the words "trying softer" were used through out this book, the word that continues to stand out for me is "gentle"

Jesus said in the bible that he is "gentle and lowly in heart" - which makes me think how gentle Jesus is with me. How, if Jesus was here today, he would treat me. In contrast, I think about how aggressive and hard I am on myself. To me, nothing is ever enough. There is always more to do, more to learn, something to be better at, something I should be working towards, time I could be spending more wisely, ect. My question to myself lately has been "how can I be gentle with myself?" Although I am still thinking about what this question means in my own life, I feel that the past few days have been filled with gentle experiences.

Visiting a friend and being around a small baby, getting my first facial (very exciting!), and spending time around those who are so gentle with me. Looking back, I can see how these experiences were gentle for me, but while experiencing these things, I couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable I was below the surface. I honestly don't know what to do with gentle. I have come to the conclusion that I am uncomfortable in the softness of life. When those around me are gentle towards me, it feels strange. Maybe I have just been noticing it more since reading this book, but the underlying stress and pressure I put on myself does not allow me to relax and creates a constant feeling that I should be doing more than I am.

So, I asked myself, "How do I accept how gentle someone can be?" "How do I become and stay more gentle with me?" or "Am I as gentle with myself as I am on others?"

These thoughts are new to me still, and I still need to think about these questions for myself.

In the beginning of the book, the author states why trying softer is important, "We've learned to white-knuckle our way through life to armor up against pain and difficulty; we believe minimizing our wounds is the only way we'll be loved. We try to appear successful, productive, or simply okay on the outside, our world over values productivity and others opinions, so we learn to ignore the messages our bodies are giving us - through our emotions and physical sensations - and instead push through our pain and pretend we have it all together. Trying harder helps us feel safe in areas of our lives that may have felt overwhelming or out of control in the past"

Although this strategy to get though life may work for a short time, is this how I want to live? Ignoring what my body is telling me just to look okay on the outside? Do I want to continually try harder and harder, only to feel that I should be doing more where there is never actually an ending to find? I personally do not. I want to make room for peace in my life and be gentle on myself. I want to be gentle on others as well, but how can I be gentle on others, when I cannot even be that way towards myself?

Towards the end of the book, the author states "Trying softer is not a destination but a way to journey through life"

Trying softer or being gentle on oneself may be easy one day and hard the next. Finding time to slow down and listen to my body may be something that comes in waves and fluctuates over time, but ultimately is not something that is a goal to meet but rather a way of life. I don't know how long this thinking may last, or how many weekly or daily reminders I may need, but a good start my be thinking of myself as someone who should be treated gently.

One question asked within the book is: What is the gentlest thing I could do today? And that seems like a good place to start.