Divorce Care Loneliness Journaling - Does being alone equal loneliness?

3.1.23

A journal entry from this time in my life:

Do I miss my husband? I asked myself that shortly after my divorce had been final.

My answer: Yes, sometimes I do. I miss him when I'm driving alone, when certain songs remind me of him. When I think about his humor or how he used to hug me. I miss when I thought my life was so much better when we were together. (I now realized I am not sure what I meant by "better" - and I do not know if I would agree with my old self that my life was "better" with him)

Why does God want us to connect with other humans? - Another question I asked myself at the time.

My answer: I believe there is much more good that comes out of being in a community than worse. When we have others, we can share our experiences, provide comfort, show love, and better ourselves when dealing with difficult people.

Am I afraid to be alone?

Yes, because I have hopes and dreams that include a great marriage and children. I would feel like a failure if I ended up alone with no one. I would feel like no one moved me or accepted me. So much of what has been pushed on me is about the image, about what others think - but everyone is so worried about themselves that they are no thinking about me.

Yes, I am afraid to be relationally alone. I prayed that God would remove my fear of being alone.

What needs to change within me to be okay with being alone?

I need to be okay with who I am. I am a whole person by myself - not because I have a partner. Do I like who I am? Most of the time but I am always working on myself.

Is there shame in being alone? Is there shame for liking being alone?

Maybe, but there shouldn't be.

12.13.23

Reading back though this journal entry a little less than a year latter, it is hard to think back to this time. Currently, I would say that there are a lot of benefits to being alone and I really enjoy my life. I do things alone (I call them self-dates), and I find it very enjoyable and empowering. I feel like I have reached a point in my life where I find myself very content, and although I am alone, I am not lonely. I see a potential relationship as a bonus to life, not as something that is an essential or a missing component of me.

How strange this is. How strange to read what you have written about being so lonely, when now, as being single for over a year, I am much less lonely than when I was in a marriage. How strange it is to read about being so scared of singlehood, when I find it so enjoyable at the current moment. I am no where near against marriage or a potential relationship, but only realizing the joy of being content where I happen to be at this moment. Single. Alone. But content and thriving.

How many married people can say that they are content and thriving?

Maybe a lot, maybe not very many. I do not know.

Does being single lead to thriving or is it an attitude? Maybe it is the community you surround yourself with. I don't dread coming home, I have a very active social life, I enjoy spending alone time in my home, and life is good. Maybe not because I am single, but maybe because of me. Maybe singleness or being in a relationship has nothing to do with being happy and content, but it has everything to do with me and who I am and who I try to be. Maybe that is what I was missing. I want to do more of whatever makes me more of me. I would want to be with someone who makes me feel more like me. I like me, and the more time I spend with myself the more of me I become. Why wouldn't I have that same expectation of someone else.