Rediscovering Me!

Since being newly single, I needed to find out who I was. Maybe for the first time! Since I had lost myself in my relationship and I did not even know who I was any more. It took me getting divorced to see that I can and am my own person. I can have my own life, likes, dislikes, values, weakness, and strengths. I can be a whole person on my own, and I don't need to be with someone to live my life or put my self-worth into someone else's hands.

The timeline in my head is blurry, but there was a time when reading, journaling, praying, ect took up most of my nights after work. I needed things to settle down during and after my divorce, and then I started asking myself who I was. How do I have an accurate view of who I am?

Some of the questions included: What do I like? What are my strengths? What are my values? Who am I?

These were just some of the questions I started to ask myself after my divorce. Who was I and who did I want to become? Looking at the previous post, there was much that could improve in my relationships and I was (and still am) determined to build healthier and better relationships.

Some of the things I have done included looking at my values, taking the Enneagram test, looking at what I fear, attachment style, ect.

So, what did I find out? Well I found that I am an Enneagram 6 (The Loyalist), with a wing 7! I found a list of my values:

1. Love

2. Honesty

3. Kindness

4. Authenticity

5. Loyalty

6. Generosity

7. Enjoyment/fun/joy

8. Personal development

9. Security

10. Uniqueness

11. Creativity

I fear not having security, I fear being controlled, I found out that I am anxiously attached in new relationships, but I also found that I like doing things on my own. I found that I am very creative, I am smart, I am fun, and I like being around other just as much as I need time by myself.

I asked myself what must I have in my life? My answer: Fun, order/plans, connection, intellectual stimulation, laughter, down time, God, Friends, Social outings, being physically active.

Although I lost a lot of my life when I lost my ex-husband, I gained so much more of myself in the same process. One thing I learned in divorce care was do to the hard things first. At this point, I was not really doing things on my own. I did some things but mostly would not do something if I had no one to go with. Which I still struggle with today, but am a lot more conscious of it. I found myself not doing the things I wanted to do because I was alone - which is not fair and I would argue that you cant just put your life on hold because you are single! That's dumb!

Although it can be scary at first, So what? Others might judge you? So what? Someone thinks your lame for being somewhere by yourself? So what? I think it's the opposite. Since this mindset change, I have gone to brunch, dinner dates, shows, ect alone. And honestly it is scary at first, but it is better than sitting at home and wishing you had the balls to do something else.

For me, going to brunch was hard, but it was much scarier when thinking about going somewhere new. In my head I was thinking, I don't know the layout and would just worry about going somewhere I had never been before, so I started with somewhere familiar.

Same with going to dinner by myself. I like to sit at the bar, so I started by going somewhere where I knew they had a bar, and a place I had been to before, which made me feel more comfortable.

Even if sitting through the whole meal or the whole show is uncomfortable, at the end, its the best feeling in the world. I walk out of the show or restaurant or whatever else and feel more empowered, encouraged, and I had fun!

I slowly venture outside of my comfort zone, still hovering around it, but that's okay! And honestly, everyone is thinking just about themselves and probably aren't even paying attention to you, and even if they are, So what?

Whenever I think of excuses of why I don't want to do something I know I really do want to do, I ask myself "why "and then say "so what?"

Life is too short to sit at home and wait for your friends to be free, your hinge date to text you back, or your husband to stop working. IDK what your situation is, but I know that it's your life and it's my life, so I can't keep putting that on hold :)