What To Do When You Find Yourself Alone?

In my own personal journey, I found myself to be alone. I had a husband who lived with me one day, and the next day did not. What am I supposed to do now? I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. I look back at my story so far, and see so much grace and feel so blessed. I didn't know what I was doing, but somehow though the people in my life, my faith, and a change of perspective, I was able to survive and start thriving when I thought my world was going to end.

Find a community

Going through a divorce will show your who is truly on your side more than any other event. Those who I thought would be there for me were not, and those who uplifted and supported me were those I would have never expected (for the most part). One huge part of my story is the community that grew around me during this hard time. I became connected with people at my church, family supported me, as well as friends and family friends. I found relying on others for support and wisdom when you need it, is a beautiful thing. I truly don't know where I would be without them. I also joined a divorce support group (yes, I was the youngest one there, embarrassing!), which was a great tool and something I needed at the time. I remember feeling so alone in my marriage, but when I was actually "alone", I felt more connected and loved. I may have felt a different kind of "alone", but when you're married, you're not suppose to feel alone! The value of relationships and community is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, but will never forget!

Find faith

Another huge part of my story is finding my faith. Believing that everything is meant for good in some way, is encouraging when you do not understand why things happen the way they do. Learning what the bible says about several topics and reading others peoples stories (whether their marriage survived or not) was encouraging to me. I found mentors to read books with, who also provided wisdom and a listening ear when I needed one (which was often!). I joined bible studies and classes at my church. For me, journaling was, and still is, a great way to pray and write down my thoughts when I was struggling with something.

Find yourself

At one point, after my divorce, I asked myself "Am I afraid to be alone?" My answer to that was "Yes."

I didn't want that to be true, but at that point in time it was. And, I think it was important for me to be honest with myself. My journal that day went on to say that "I have hopes and dreams that include being married and having children. I would feel like a failure if I ended up alone with no one. I would feel like no one loved me or accepted me. So much of what has been pushed on me is about the image of what your life looks like to everyone else. Yes, I am afraid to be alone."

Having an honest answer to this questions, I then asked myself "What needs to change with me to be okay with being alone?" I found myself answering the question by saying, "I need to be okay with who I am. I am a whole person by myself - not because I have a partner. Do I like who I am?"

At the time, I would say that for the most part, I did like who I was.

Today I would say that my answer would be drastically different. I think that it is natural to want to be with someone who loves and accepts you, we all want that! I know that I still do want that, but I am not going to compromise what I want and what I value to get it. I don't think that I am scared to be alone anymore, because I know that I am valuable even as a single adult. If I think, "What if I never find anyone again?" I do feel sad, but I know that I would be okay. I would rather be alone than be in a terrible marriage. My life is very full now, and I have so much more joy in my life than before. Although what I want has not changed, my perspective of how I see myself and others has, and that has made all the difference.

Although I think I have made great progress in all of these areas, they are all still a work in progress. I think that they will always be, because in each season of life our values and goals will change. Certain times will allow for more progress to be made in one category verses the other, but my goal is to continue working on myself, building my community, and growing in my faith the best I can.