When will it be enough?

When I was single, I wanted to date. When I was dating I wanted to be engaged. When I was engaged I wanted to be married. When I was married I wanted to have a house. (That's where my life ends, but if I had a house, I would have wanted kids, ect)

When is what I had enough? I can't think of a time, when I wasn't looking forward to the next time. I finally had what I wanted, but as soon as I got it, I wanted something else. I didn't know how to be content or just enjoy the moment or space that I was in. I had this Idea of how my life was supposed to go, and the problem was, there was always a next step. Ultimately, it was never enough.

At one point, when I was dating/married, I wanted to be single. So now I am single! Wahoo!

One BIG thing I have learned in the last year has been contentment. Right now, I love where I live, I love my life, my hobbies, my friends, my weekends, my schedule, my job. I just feel so lucky and blessed to have my life. Not because it is how I planned it out, but because I honestly feel content with my life situation.

I want to enjoy this time because life can happen so fast. I know, because within 3 years I was very happy to be married, and also signing my divorce papers. Maybe someday I will wish I was single again. And I will wish that when I was single I wouldn't have just wished that time away. I feel that I have a full life by myself. My life can’t stop just because I don’t have someone to share it with.

I do quite a bit of things alone. Going to events, meals, shops, ect. I like doing things alone and feel empowered after spending a day with myself and exploring my own thoughts. I do think about what I want in the future, but I am not in a rush to get there. Maybe I will never get there, but I know that no matter what I will still be okay. I will be okay because I am still the same person, no matter my mood, my relationship status, my friends. I don't want to be defined by external measures.

To answer the question, No. Nothing will be enough in this world. The one saying somewhere goes "how much money is enough? Just a little bit more". I can't ever have enough, because whatever I get will not live up to what I thought it would have been like in my head. So when it doesn't live up, there's always something else that becomes the replacement, and the cycle repeats. I think that God is the only way to find true contentment.

There is a lot of things that being "content" does not mean. You should not be "content" staying in an abusive relationship, you should not be "content" letting others or yourself put yourself down, or staying in a potentially toxic work environment, no, that is not it. I want to find thankfulness for what is given to me and find contentment in the things that cannot be changed and that are worth being content with.